No hablo espanol

40 days. Only 40 days until I fly off into the sunset, headed for parts unknown. Well, that's not entirely true, but it sounds good if not more than a little cliche. I actually have a morning flight, so technically I'll be flying into the sunrise...a much more optimistic direction, I think. And, since my ticket says Guatemala City, "parts unknown" becomes 20 days in Central America.

In anticipation of my trip, I have spent every waking moment of late trying to learn Spanish. Before I go any further, let me officially declare that I am not naive. I completely understand that many folks I encounter will speak English. More realistically, many won't speak English or Spanish as there are 40 different Mayan languages whose usage prevails in the small, rural towns where I will spend most of my time. Even so, I'm using this trip as an opportunity to learn another language and I'll do it if it kills me!

I have used dictionaries and CDs and DVDs and online learning tools...none of which have taught me anything. I failed terribly at making a hotel reservation for my first night in the country, even after employing my Spanish-English dictionary. The simplest of phrases eluded me until I discovered a wonderful podcast called Coffee Break Spanish. It declares to "bring language learning with your latte." Perfect! Kara and Mark are wonderful hosts with thick Scottish accents who patiently teach me and hundreds of other listeners Spanish in 15 minute increments. All is going very well.
Mark asks me how to say "I have two sisters." I can squawk: "Tengo dos hermanas."
Where are you from: De donde eres?
I am hungry: Tengo hambre
Where is the cathedral: Donde esta la catedral?
Is there a bar nearby: Hay un barre cerca de aqui?
I need another beer please: Quisiera una cerveza por favor.
Uno, dos, tres, hola, como estas, hasta luego...and on and on. All useful phrases, which I confidently speak (though I realize my spelling has a long way to go).

I am certain that I have begun the process of mastery...that is until tonight when I visit my favorite sushi restaurant. The chef - who, ironically, is not from Japan but Honduras - puts my knowledge to the test by speaking to me only in Spanish. I fail miserably. While I can generally understand him, answering his questions proves impossible. I totally freeze. I even forget the phrases I've practiced the most: "I'm sorry, I don't understand" and "Please speak more slowly." When the conversation deviates from my comfortable and structured digital lessons my mind goes blank. While I feel very confident belting out Spanish phrases within the safety of my car with Mark and Kara, everything sounds strange when verbalized in a public setting.

I'm making my peace with the fact that the most I'm learning from Coffee Break Spanish is how to speak English with a Scottish accent! While this will be very useful in hiding my status as an American, it's not going to get me very far when asking for a table at a restaurant, trying to find a bank, or bartering in the centro commercial.

40 days. 40 days! Perhaps I need a new plan...at least I'll play a mean game of charades when I return.